Over the weekend the reality of chemo started to set in. And so did the fear. The fear of being really sick, the fear of going bald, the fear of not being able to take care of my family, the fear of how we are going to get through the next few months. For an afternoon I was overwhlemed and probably a little depressed. Then I got an email from my dear friend that told me to "stay strong" and to "keep my faith in Jesus Christ". It was perfect timing as I was about to have a serious pity party for myself. And then I looked at my new born baby and all my children and my husband and a fire lit up inside of me that said, I CAN DO THIS! IT WILL BE ALRIGHT! IT WILL BE HARD, BUT IT WILL BE ALRIGHT AND IT WILL BE WORTH IT!
We have had a steady flow of people coming and offering to help, share their concern, bring food and thoughtful gifts for the baby. It has been so humbling to be on this side of the fence, however, we have been so grateful for everybody's love. We can't thank you all enough. You have blessed our family more than you will ever know. Thank you.
Today I tried on some beautiful scarves that my Aunt sent to me. They are colorful and bright. It took me a minute to figure out how to best tie them. Lila helped me. I let the ends hang down like it was my hair. Then I walked into the kitchen and Collin said that I looked very pretty. It melted my heart.
Tomorrow I go to the Oncologist. I am very anxious to know what my treatment plan will be. It seems like it has taken a long time to get to this point (even though it has only been 2 1/2 weeks since it all started) but now it's nearly here and I am as ready as I will ever be. We are almost there... almost done. One last big haul. It has been a step by step process and I am looking forward to having this last step done. It will be alright.
The other night, while Talmage and I were talking, I opened up his scriptures randomly. He was worried I was about to read something about "trials", but instead it read,"Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils; freely ye have received, freely give." Matthew 10:8 It was perfect. I know miracles happen today and they have happened to me. I know I have "received freely" and oh how I hope to "freely give"