Sunday, October 31, 2010

Some Days Are Better Than Others

So, last week I had some really crappy (am I allowed to say that?) days!  I think Tuesday I spent most of the day crying for one reason or another. My eyes were swollen the next day.  I guess it didn't help that I had a major tooth ache and had spent Monday and Tuesday afternoon trying to get it resolved.  It was kind of an ordeal.  Anyway, I just had some really down days emotionally.  It seemed like I couldn't get past the baldness, or the puffyness, or my hijacked body, or the up-coming chemo treatment or the fact that I was even on chemo.  It just all hit me.  I really am not trying to complain.  I know it could be so much worse.   I just want to be honest with how I am feeling since this is not all roses and daffodils. 

It seems like when I am most down, something happens to bring me back to a sense of gratitude and awareness of a loving Heavenly Father.  I remember that this is just a small moment that will pass and that I am not alone in this journey.  So many people have lifted me in so many ways for which I am truly, truly, grateful.  On Tuesday, I received a beautiful poem in the mail from a beautiful person.  It was very timely.  I have read it many times since and have felt an overwhelming sense of comfort and peace.  It reads:

My life is but a weaving between my God and me. 
I do not see the colors; He worketh steadily. 
Oft times He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper and I the under side.

Not til the loom is silent and the shudders cease to fly
Will God unveil the canvas and reveal the reason why
The dark threads are as needful in the skillful weavers hand
As the threads of gold and silver in the patterns He has planned. 

I know that although these are hard or "dark" times for me, that there is a greater plan and that good will come from this experience IF I keep my faith in God.  He can turn the sorrow into joy.

Friday, October 22, 2010

I Mean.... NOW I'm Half Way Done!

It has been just over a week since my second treatment.  I realized that I had jumped the gun when I declared that I was half way done just by simply having my treatment.  That was the easy part.  To FULLY be half way done, I still had to get through the side effects that came with that treatment.  They came.  
Actually, Thursday and Friday weren't too bad.  I even went to Lagoon with my family and rode "Wicked".  (Truthfully, during the whole ride I kept thinking, "What the HECK was I thinking???")  Anyway, then starting Sunday, I got SOOOO TIRED!  It really wasn't until yesterday (a week later) that I started to get my energy back.  I didn't expect to be so tired for so long.  It pretty much wiped me out along with all of the other little side effects that go with it....  achey, upset stomach, burning tongue and esophogus, plus a few that just don't need mentioned.  UGH!   We continue to be cared for by loving neighbors, friends and family.  My beautiful Mother moved in for the week and took such good care of us.  It was such a comfort to know that the kids' schedule just moved forward like normal.  I think they need that.  Thanks, Mom for all of your help, love and support.  We couldn't have gotten through this week without you!

I just started reading the biography of Thomas S. Monson, "To the Rescue".  There is a quote in there that really stuck out to me.  It says, "I am daily impressed that the majority of the good people in the world do not receive any accolades or any publicity but live good lives within a small circle and one day will merit eternal reward."  So many have included our family in their "small circle".  I have been so touched by the generosity and love of so many and I pray that the Lord will bless each of you with his choicest blessings.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Half Way There :)

Yesterday, October 14, 2010, I had my second chemo treatment.  It went really well.  Again, I love my nurse.  She is SO competent and happy.  You can tell she loves her job which makes it so nice for her patience.  They started me with a big dose of Zophran - which made me totally loopy, but at least no headache this time.  Then the Cytoxin and Taxatol.  I started to have a slight reaction to the Taxatol: tight chest, flushed face... and then it stopped and so I was able to continue with my treatment without having to reverse anything.  I was really happy about that.  The best news came next.  I wouldn't need the Neulasta shot the following day because all of my blood counts were in a good normal range.  HOORAY!!!!!!  That was such a relief.  That shot makes you feel like you are constantly being electrocuted and like an 80 year old lady whose bones are about to shatter!  I am SO THANKFUL!  SO.... Two down and two to go.  We (I say "we" because this is affecting so many more people than just me) are going to make it! 
I received a lovely card today in the mail that reminded me this is but a "small moment".   It will pass.

My [daughter], peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment.
                                                            Doctrine and Covenents 121:7

Saturday, October 9, 2010

The Big Shave... A Picture Paints 1000 Words

 the kids wanted me to "rock on"  I guess that was it ???

We have started singing a song to the tune of U2's "With or Without You"  it goes....

"With or without HAIR, with or without Hair , Ohhhhhh  I CAN LIVE with or without hair"

One Hot Date!

How many  husbands get to go on a hot date with their wife to the local Wig Shop?   I know, I know, every guys fantasy - hee hee.  After Talmage got home from working ALL NIGHT, we took Caleb to our lovely neighbor who was so gracious to watch him (that is no easy task!) and we headed down to find a wig.  I thought it was going to be really hard and depressing, but it turned out to be a lot of fun.  The lady who was helping us had a great personality which made it a lot easier, too.  Here's what we found... 

 um...... no

 Red... it was a fun idea.

 This was SO TEMPTING!

Hey, look.  It's ME (before I cut my bangs)!
This wig just felt more natural than the others.  Hopefully,
I won't regret going long, but o-well.  It's fun!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


It's starting to fall out :(   A strange reality.  I had to look at myself close in the mirror and tell myself it would be okay.  It will.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

A Good Week and Some Crazy Dreams

I have been feeling really good lately.  I am so thankful.  After having a few rough days last week, this week is much more of a normal  week.  I am thankful to have enough energy to get things done throughout the day and to have time to spend with my family.  They are my treasures.  My neighbors and friends have been so helpful with carpool and spoiling us with delicious meals.  There is no way to properly express my deepest gratitude for their service to our family.  They are making this heavy load so much lighter.  Thank you!

On a side note, I have been having crazy dreams the past few nights about various ways I am going to lose my hair.  I guess I am thinking about it more than I realized.  Any day now...  should be interesting. 

"And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom;  that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.   Mosiah 2:17 Book of Mormon

Friday, October 1, 2010

A Kick-Off to Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  I thought it would be fun to make these pancakes for breakfast.  The kids loved them and I think talking about it occasionally is good for them - especially when we can turn it into a positive conversation.  Awareness is good and CRITICAL in curing this disease.  It can be done.