Sunday, October 31, 2010

Some Days Are Better Than Others

So, last week I had some really crappy (am I allowed to say that?) days!  I think Tuesday I spent most of the day crying for one reason or another. My eyes were swollen the next day.  I guess it didn't help that I had a major tooth ache and had spent Monday and Tuesday afternoon trying to get it resolved.  It was kind of an ordeal.  Anyway, I just had some really down days emotionally.  It seemed like I couldn't get past the baldness, or the puffyness, or my hijacked body, or the up-coming chemo treatment or the fact that I was even on chemo.  It just all hit me.  I really am not trying to complain.  I know it could be so much worse.   I just want to be honest with how I am feeling since this is not all roses and daffodils. 

It seems like when I am most down, something happens to bring me back to a sense of gratitude and awareness of a loving Heavenly Father.  I remember that this is just a small moment that will pass and that I am not alone in this journey.  So many people have lifted me in so many ways for which I am truly, truly, grateful.  On Tuesday, I received a beautiful poem in the mail from a beautiful person.  It was very timely.  I have read it many times since and have felt an overwhelming sense of comfort and peace.  It reads:

My life is but a weaving between my God and me. 
I do not see the colors; He worketh steadily. 
Oft times He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper and I the under side.

Not til the loom is silent and the shudders cease to fly
Will God unveil the canvas and reveal the reason why
The dark threads are as needful in the skillful weavers hand
As the threads of gold and silver in the patterns He has planned. 

I know that although these are hard or "dark" times for me, that there is a greater plan and that good will come from this experience IF I keep my faith in God.  He can turn the sorrow into joy.


  1. Your faith and strength are amazing. Just so you know, it is perfectly fine to say 'crappy', to admit you had a bad day, to own the fact that it's not really okay to loose all your hair and feel puffy and out of control of your body... There is nothing fun about what you are dealing with BUT you are handling it with such beauty and grace. You will be okay and this will end and you will be stronger for it. At the same time, if anyone deserves to vent a little bit, you do!
    Love you!!!


  2. ditto to the above comment that is is aok to say "crappy"! and the root canal drama really stinks! but somehow through it all you remain incredibly beautiful, puffy face, swollen eyes, bald head and all! those ugly self doubt thoughts just won't let you see it. you are strong and faithful, funny and sincere. you are amazing!

  3. Bless your sweet heart Danea, I am grateful to hear you say exactly what you are feeling, it is wonderful, as it helps those that love and pray for you know exactly what to pray for. Thank you for sharing this terribly painful, growing, difficult journey, you are so special! You remain in our prayers and thoughts daily... much love to you! Jan S

  4. I love that poem and I'm totally going to use it in my lesson on Sunday about learning to love our trials. (On a side note, if you want a good talk to read, Elder Wirthlin's talk "Come What May, and Love it" from Nov. 2008 is awesome.) Thanks for sharing it and for being so honest in your feelings. You are going to make it through this because you are so strong. We love you and are praying for you always!

  5. Thank you SO MUCH everybody. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your comments and prayers. They really lift me up.
    Lori - that is one of my all time favorite talks. Good luck with your lesson :)