Monday, April 18, 2011

A Symbol of Hope

Last Saturday night we had a celebratory bon fire in our backyard.  It was wonderful!  We celebrated me not having to wear hats anymore - which really symbolizes SO MUCH!  It is something I have been looking forward to for a long time.   As we gathered around the fire, Lila had the idea that we could each put a stick into the fire and share something that we learned through this whole process.  It was so touching.  Everybody took a few minutes to think about all that has happened and then one by one shared something personal as they put their stick into the fire.  It was a very special moment for me and one that I will never forget.   Then it was my turn.  My "sticks" were three hats that I had worn - A Lot - while I was on chemotherapy and waiting for my hair to grow back.  The first hat was my pink night hat.  The second hat was a white, fuzzy hat that a friend had given me and my third hat was my black, fuzzy hat.  These are the hats that I most always wore - whether it was to bed, to church, the store, a friends house, at home, the temple ... these were the hats that made life easier for me at a very difficult time.  As I placed them into the fire, I shared with my family that I was NOT burning these hats out of anger, bitterness or revenge, but as a symbol of my hope for the future.  I was actually grateful for those hats while I had them.  They represent so much to me: humility, friendship, service, faith, gratitude, family, security, love, warmth.  I could go on.   Some days I have a tough time with what has happened and I have to talk to myself a lot to get through those moments.  I know I can't ever forget this experience - it is a part of who I am now - but I don't want to dwell on it.  I want to enjoy the present and look forward to the future.  That is what burning my hats meant to me.  Hope.
After I burned my hats, Talmage pulled out the sparkling cider that I was given when I had completed my chemotherapy treatments and finally, together, we toasted to each other and the future.  It was awesome!

And then of course we had to roast marshmallows! :)

1 comment:

  1. I love what you did! I love your new look. You have a beautiful face and heart!