"Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you; and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and that I am to come." D&C 68:6
Friday, November 19, 2010
Eyelashes - A Lesson in Faith
When I first found out I was going to have to go through chemotherapy, I was surprisingly alright with the fact that I was going to lose my hair. What I didn't realize, however, is that it was possible I was going to lose my eyelashes and eyebrows as well. This made me really sad. However, when I first met with my Oncologist she gave me the good news that because I only had to have four treatments, I would most likely NOT lose my eyebrows and eyelashes. I was so relieved to hear that. Well.... shortly after my third treatment I noticed that I had lost some eyelashes. I felt so fragile and vulnerable. I started to go without make-up for days at a time for fear that I would rub off my eyelashes when I washed my face. I even woke up in a panic one morning thinking that my eyebrows had rubbed off during the night and I ran straight to the mirror to check if they were still there. It was an awful way to feel and live. After a few days of this, I realized that I was so focused on doing everything I could to not lose them, that I was forgetting that I HAD them and I should enjoy them! So I picked up my mascara and put it on. I felt so much better and a little more human again instead of some crazy thing constantly checking in the mirror. I also realized that by not wearing make-up, I was living in a state of fear and fear just can not be present with faith. I wanted to CHOOSE faith! That's not to say that I won't still lose my eyelashes, but at least I am being grateful that I still have them now, and if they are lost, they will grow back ... along with my hair. It is easy to be afraid... It takes courage, determination and hope to have faith. I am trying to muster all the courage I can as I go through this. Some days it is easier than others. When all of this started, a sweet friend of mine gave me a ring that is engraved with the scripture Joshua 1:6 that says, "Be strong and of a good courage..." I wore it until it totally wore out and made my finger green. I still repeat it to myself many times, though. I am grateful for the lessons that I am learning. It will be alright.
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
2 Timothy 1:7