Shoot!

Came down with a cold... my last treatment will have to wait until next week :(
At least I won't be knocked out for Talmage's birthday and Thanksgiving :)

Eyelashes - A Lesson in Faith

When I first found out I was going to have to go through chemotherapy, I was surprisingly alright with the fact that I was going to lose my hair.  What I didn't realize, however, is that it was possible I was going to lose my eyelashes and eyebrows as well.  This made me really sad.   However, when I first met with my Oncologist she gave me the good news that because I only had to have four treatments, I would most likely NOT lose my eyebrows and eyelashes.  I was so relieved to hear that.  Well.... shortly after my third treatment I noticed that I had lost some eyelashes.  I felt so fragile and vulnerable.  I started to go without make-up for days at a time for fear that I would rub off my eyelashes when I washed my face.  I even woke up in a panic one morning thinking that my eyebrows had rubbed off during the night and I ran straight to the mirror to check if they were still there.  It was an awful way to feel and live.  After a few days of this, I realized that I was so focused on doing everything I could to not lose them, that I was forgetting that I HAD them and I should enjoy them!  So I picked up my mascara and put it on.  I felt so much better and a little more human again instead of some crazy thing constantly checking in the mirror.  I also realized that by not wearing make-up, I was living in a state of fear and fear just can not be present with faith.  I wanted to CHOOSE faith!  That's not to say that I won't still lose my eyelashes, but at least I am being grateful that I still have them now, and if they are lost, they will grow back ... along with my hair.  It is easy to be afraid... It takes courage, determination and hope to have faith.  I am trying to muster all the courage I can as I go through this.  Some days it is easier than others.  When all of this started, a sweet friend of mine gave me a ring that is engraved with the scripture Joshua 1:6 that says, "Be strong and of a good courage..."  I wore it until it totally wore out and made my finger green.  I still repeat it to myself many times, though.  I am grateful for the lessons that I am learning. It will be alright.

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 
2 Timothy 1:7

Three Down And One To Go!

     I just got back from my third chemo treatment.  This was the smoothest one so far.  No reactions at all.  I guess my body is getting used to what they are pumping in me.  The GREATEST NEWS again.... NO NEULASTA SHOT - which means no shattered bone feeling!!!  My blood counts were all in a good range.  I am so thankful!  I guess washing my hands 1000 times a day is working. ;)  Thank you all so much for your prayers.  Again, I can't tell you how much they mean to me.  Last night Talmage gave me a priesthood blessing.  It brought me peace and comfort.  I know I am not alone.  For that I am truly grateful.

So this was my last treatment at this current treatment center.  I was sad to say good-bye to my awesome nurse.  She was so great.  I always felt cared for and like I was in very good hands.  Thanks so much "T" for getting the IV in the first time EVERY TIME :)    My  LAST treatment will be at a different center because of the Thanksgiving holiday.  Wow!  Do I ever have a lot to be thankful for.

Well, I feel the effects starting to kick in.  I will probably post again in about a week after I wake up from my chemo hibernation.  haha

My deepest love and gratitude to you all.
"Behold, I am the law, and the light.  Look unto me, and endure to the end, and ye shall live; for unto him that endureth to the end will I give eternal life."  3 Nephi 15:9  Book of Mormon

Round Three

Tomorrow is my third treatment.  I am both looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time.  At least I'll be one step closer! :)