Last Saturday night we had a celebratory bon fire in our backyard. It was wonderful! We celebrated me not having to wear hats anymore - which really symbolizes SO MUCH! It is something I have been looking forward to for a long time. As we gathered around the fire, Lila had the idea that we could each put a stick into the fire and share something that we learned through this whole process. It was so touching. Everybody took a few minutes to think about all that has happened and then one by one shared something personal as they put their stick into the fire. It was a very special moment for me and one that I will never forget. Then it was my turn. My "sticks" were three hats that I had worn - A Lot - while I was on chemotherapy and waiting for my hair to grow back. The first hat was my pink night hat. The second hat was a white, fuzzy hat that a friend had given me and my third hat was my black, fuzzy hat. These are the hats that I most always wore - whether it was to bed, to church, the store, a friends house, at home, the temple ... these were the hats that made life easier for me at a very difficult time. As I placed them into the fire, I shared with my family that I was NOT burning these hats out of anger, bitterness or revenge, but as a symbol of my hope for the future. I was actually grateful for those hats while I had them. They represent so much to me: humility, friendship, service, faith, gratitude, family, security, love, warmth. I could go on. Some days I have a tough time with what has happened and I have to talk to myself a lot to get through those moments. I know I can't ever forget this experience - it is a part of who I am now - but I don't want to dwell on it. I want to enjoy the present and look forward to the future. That is what burning my hats meant to me. Hope.
After I burned my hats, Talmage pulled out the sparkling cider that I was given when I had completed my chemotherapy treatments and finally, together, we toasted to each other and the future. It was awesome!
And then of course we had to roast marshmallows! :)
